Sex After Kids

Women are sexual beings. Oh yes, it’s true!

But all too often life gets in the way. From taking care of the kids and the house and oftentimes dealing with work on top of it all, it seems there isn’t always enough time or energy left in a day to fit sex into the equation.

Or is there?

While many women struggle with finding the time for sex, many also find that they have an increased sex drive after having kids.

Below, moms share their tips on how to make time for sex and what has helped them improve their sex lives over the years.

GET HELP

Don’t try to do everything yourself. If you’re too tired to stay awake for sex, it obviously isn’t going to happen. Ask your partner to help out. If they know that it will make you more likely to be open to sex later, many partners will jump at the chance.

Aline Zoldbrod, PhD, a Boston-based sex therapist and author of Sex Talk: Uncensored Exercises for Exploring What Really Turns You On urges women to “stop being a superwomen.” She says, “You will never feel sexual if you are exhausted and depleted and up to the gills in responsibility. Ask for help. Buy the brownies, don’t bake them.”

HEAT THINGS UP

Feel like you need something new? Sometimes, all it takes to spice things up is a change in scenery. Stay at a hotel for the weekend or camp in your backyard for the night. Then, try something different sexually that you have always wanted to try. The key here is to open yourself up to new ideas and new experiences.

WORK IT GIRL!

When you are physically active, you not only feel better about your body, you also increase your sex drive. According to Debbie Mandel, author of Turn on Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind, and Soul, exercising releases hormones that raise your libido. In particular, strength training helps to release testosterone, which can increase sexual desire.

JUST DO IT

Many women, especially moms with younger children, are reluctant to give up sleep for sex. Let’s face it: sleep is a precious commodity and when you’re stressed and on a tight schedule, you need all the sleep you can get!

So what’s a busy mom to do? Give in and forgo sleep for sex—chances are you will be pleasantly surprised by the results! Sex can do wonders for stress! Great sex can calm your nerves and boost your energy. You’ll actually sleep more soundly after sex and generally wake up in a better mood.

BUT WHAT IF NOTHING WORKS?

If you feel like you’ve tried everything and still noting seems to be helping, try this:

Consider what has changed in your life that has put a damper on your sex drive.

Create a list of all the things that made you feel sexy and desirable when your sex drive was high. Also, create a list of possible things in your life that may be affecting your sex drive now.

The first list is really just for you and can act as an eye opener to what’s missing. It could be that you simply need to do something nice for yourself that makes you feel beautiful and sexy.

The second list is something you want to discuss with your partner. Sex can be extremely mental for women. Oftentimes, a low sex drive can be attributed to a lack of communication with your partner. Be careful not to make your partner feel to blame when you discuss this list. Explain that you want to make things better and sexier. Together, the two of you can brainstorm creative ways to spice things up in the bedroom.

Sometimes, a low sex drive can be hormonal. Talk to your doctor if you suspect hormones are putting a damper on your sex life.

How do you find time for sex? Any tips on reviving things in the bedroom? Please comment below.

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